Hofstra student, suspect dead in apparent home... →
Police responded to a report of a home invasion in a house where several female students live. Somehow, gunfire erupted. Jesus Christ.
“Yeah buddy, you want to make a JOKE? You want to make a statement that’s an unexpected deviation from the norm? Well motherfucker, you better explain it to ME.”
One of my ex’s cousins named their kid “Random” because they misheard “Brandon” in a movie and thought it was a beautiful name.
Like revenge, the Taco Bell 7-layer burrito is a dish best served cold.
My dad is renovating a house for a woman who works at a food bank, and she gaves us a bag of fried chicken (made today, but they had to get rid of it), but we found a glove in it so I guess we aren’t having it for dinner.
apcalvin replied to your post: Im glad people are clamoring to reblog a… sorry dude. Hey, I’m not complaining, I just think it’s hilarious that so many people want to have the Coke logo on their blog. Granted, Vanilla Coke is extraordinary, but even with a little blue food tag I’m surprised.
I guess my high school’s prom is going to be on Good Morning America and I honestly cannot come up with a good reason as to why they would want to do that.
asobbrokeup: maureenmargaret: karenbelieveme: some RACIST HOOLIGANS at the titus show brought little confederate flags with them and tried to hand them out during “a more perfect union” and A LOT OF PEOPLE TOOK THEM AND WAVED THEM AROUND??? and patrick thankfully called everyone out on their racist bs and was like “i’m disappointed in you” and then he burned one flag and ate another he ate...
I’m glad people are clamoring to reblog a corporate logo that I posted and not the totally A+ very good not bad at all jokes I spew into the void.
I’m having a party at my apartment Saturday night if you feel like coming to South Jersey. You don’t. Not even I want to and I live here.
Bumper Sticker Idea: “Ass, Grass, or Cash. Those are three words I know.”
Sure, things aren’t always going to go your way. Maybe you won’t get that promotion, maybe you’ll have to cancel your vacation. Maybe the love of your life won’t love you back. Even something as simple as oversleeping and having it ruin your day. But when things like that happen to me, I remember what my grandpa used to say: “Marc, when I die, turn my body into a...
lunchboxoddsox replied to your post: colettewacker replied to your photo and what … i don’t usually like Vanilla Coke or Coke with whiskey but whiskey and vanillacoke is the jam. But I still prefer my whiskey strait up hard and hot haha Yeah, I’m not really big on drinks with soda...
colettewacker replied to your photo and what It goes well with whiskey but I prefer not to mix it because it loses its carbonation faster plus it stands so well on its own.
seinfelt: George awakes one morning from uneasy dreams to find that his eyes do not work as usual. Rather, he sees the world just as he normally would, but with everything’s subtext explicitly revealed: When he looks at a refrigerator, the appliance is constructed of the words “food preservation”; when he looks at Jerry, he sees half-formed joke set-ups pouring out of his head. When George looks...
hitchhike-her replied to your post: “How was the straw convention?” “It sucked.” are you okay? Never.
“How was the straw convention?” “It sucked.”
Anonymous asked: if it is good news, make sure to scream on the outside. you deserve it
I’m currently screaming on the inside at something that could very well be very, very good news.
Just booked my bus tickets to New York for Friday. Due to circumstances, who wants to start drinking at 10:00AM when I arrive?
I’d prefer you call it by its proper name, but yes, I would like a Slim James.
It’s been at least 12 years since I’ve seen a TLC special on spontaneous combustion.
My life is like The Lakehouse meets Weekend At Bernie’s.
nightlifemingus: My first novel, a dystopian sci fi tale featuring hard hitting political satire, just got picked up for publishing so please check it out. It’s called “Ass Curse: Legend of the Cursed Ass”
I was a latchkey kid, but I was also super forgetful, so more often than not I was just a latch kid.
It’s not a good idea to name your band “Ladies and Gentlemen” because then the emcee will have to say “Ladies and Gentlemen, Ladies and Gentlemen” and then everyone will leave.
dennys: Reblog this if you’re “Down For Denny’s”. I’m always DTF (Down to Food).